Another fun marketing expression, this time with a business jargon slant:
In basic physics, when you accelerate, it implies two things: (1) you are already moving with some velocity; and (2) you are moving in a certain direction.
Paradoxically, in business, when you say “accelerate,” it implies two things: (1) you are not moving at all; and (2) you are not going in any direction. It’s kind of like opposite day!
Marketing copy: With this dramatic new rollout, we will accelerate our deployment and seize market share.
Translation: We aren’t selling anything now, but maybe we finally will.
Marketing copy: Our redoubled efforts will accelerate positive change and liberate resources for new initiatives.
Translation: My name is Tooly McToolTool.
Thanks to Dan Rosler for this suggestion!